Hey everybody I have recently took up writing poetry. I've heard a lot of people say it helps deal with stress and I have to say they are right. I figure if I put all my feelings into a poem then I can get them out of me and move on with whatever comes next. Other people that write should know what I'm talking about. Well anyway. I have written a few poems. some are long some are short. so anyway here it goes. I'll post one for now and some more later then please give me your opinions. and please be honest if you don't like it tell me I swear I won't hunt you down or anything. LOL. well here's my poem...

My Own World

This world is just too chaotic
no matter what I do to stop it
it always goes back to the way it was
then one day it all became a fuzz

i have a place all my own
where it's just me and I'm alone
i really like it here i believe
but i fear someday I'll have to leave

let me stay here
don't force me to go
here it's so beautiful
no i'm sorry you can't go

see it's only a place i can go
and how i get there i do not know
but i do know i love it here
and there is nothing i have to fear

what i do here you may ask
i could do whatever i please but alas
i sit here in my own world thinking of tomorrow
or maybe of some distant sorrow

i never want to leave this place
never in a million years
but soon i know i'll have to face
the thought that brings so many tears

reality is what i fear
where i must pretend to be what i see
that is why i want to stay here
in my own world where i can be me


well I hope you liked it and I plan to post more very soon but for now please criticize amongst yourselfs

ok no replies yet. hmmmmm.....
well maybe this will do the trick. here is another poem.

My One True Love

you have no idea what you mean to me
i linger on your every word
i would say i'm in love
but some just call me absurd

when i'm without you
i feel like i'm unable to breathe
when i'm here with you
i wish to never leave

i sense something very special between us
i'm not quite sure what it is
all i know is that i can feel it
whilest holding back my tears

i feel so happy around you
it's like i've never ever been blue
it feels just like magic
and it's all thanks to you

i look into your deep green eyes
and mess with your dark brown hair
i swear if you'd ever leave me
i would be in nothing but dispair

now that i finally see
the true meaning of you and me
i realize it is hardly absurd
i do in fact believe i've found my one true love

well.... hope you liked it. please leave comments

Not bad.

In regards to the first: Hmm, not bad but I think you made two mistakes. The first is that at the start of the poem our lines go in an AABB rhyme format, but by the end it's turned into an ABAB rhyme format, and it's a bit unsual. It's not bad, it's just odd because usually people stick to either one or the other, rare to see both at once,a nd having both rhyme formats at one detracts form the poem as it's a bit distracting, at least I think it is. Speaking of rhyming, I also think you may have gone slightly over-board with it. Rhyming sounds good tune-wise, yes, but it doesn't always convey the best emotion, and it's easy for the reader to get hooked up spotting the rhymes rather then concentrating on what the words are actually saying. I'm not saying get rid of the rhyming totally, just tone it down a bit and don't make it quite so... obvious, I guess. I think that's what I mean anyway.

In regards to the second: Better. You've stuck to a more normal format which doesn't detract from the words, so that's good, and you're not so intense with the rhyming either, which is also good. You've done the last few lines well, having the last line be independant of any rhyme or tune. Good tactic there. I can't really fault this second one. It could do with some genral 'polish', yes, but there is no one specific area it fails in.
And... how you feel about someone can never be 'absurd'. 'Absurd' would be adoring someone who's name you don't even know. 'Absurd' would be hating somebody who you've never ever met before in your life. You're not being 'absurd'

Thanks a whole lot bokuho. I'm glad you wrote things like that so i can try to make my poems better. I will definetely take what you said into consideration.it's going to be a little hard with the rhyming to be less because i've gotten so used to it.so bear with me but I'll give it a shot. thanks. also thanks for thinking I'm not 'absurd'.

Ok here's a new one.

Falling

i seem to be falling
and i cannot catch myself
i thought i was in love with you
but you turned your back on me

there's so much pain already in my life
why did you go and make more
how could you do this to me
you already hurt me before

you told me you were in love with me
but now i realize it was all lies
i find it kind of funny
that i never saw that look in your eyes

i know there's others out there for me
i will show you you will see
i hold my breath for this day to come
when my pain can be undone

ok so here is some of my old stuff. enjoy.

Neglect

why oh why does it have to be this way
oh please not one more day
i can't take the pain of this any longer
but in the end it may make me stronger

to you i am a nothing
to them i am wanted
you say to choose
and i guess i have

whenever i am here
it's like im really not
and you wonder why i do these things
if you don't notice i won't stop

no one understands me
it makes me so depressed
as i lay here
thinking of that knife through my chest

no i wouldnt want to do that
but you put it on my mind
i guess it will eventually have to be done
its just a matter of time

please oh please just notice me
just say something to let me know you see
well i guess it was just too much for you
all the neglect followed through

Broken

you said you loved me
and like a fool i believed you
how could you do this to me
after all that we've been through

i feel like a faerie with no wings
i feel like i've been torn at the seams
please make my pain go away
i really would hate for this feeling to stay

i'm broken when you're not around
to turn my frown upside down
all i can think of is you and me
and how i wish it could be

i wish someone could help me
or just take away my pain
my heart hurts in a million places
it's driving me insane

people say i'll get over you
and this is what i am hoping
i don't know how long it will take
i just know for now i'm broken

oOOooOOOoo I lover it

thanks so much ater raven!

Misfit

some things seem to be going wrong
now i find out i'm all alone
i don't have many friends you see
and i know there's somewhere i'd rather be

i lie here thinking to myself
why can't i be someone else
i really try to fix my problems
but it takes so much just to solve them

i go to school then i come home
it's what i do every day
it's like a vicious cycle
i wish it would all just go away

i really hate to live like this
i do not like it at all
i only want to feel the bliss
or a pleasant fall

it's like i'm a stone
or i'm not even here
i can't feel anything
not even a tear

someone please get me out of this place
i don't know how much more i can take
why i'm here is a mystery to me
maybe this was all a mistake

i'm just about to end it all
maybe with that pleasant fall
i know no one wants me here
so i'm sorry i must go

goodbye to all
goodbye to you
i can no longer take it
i'm just a misfit to you