writtings of mine - Page 8 - EvBoard

~river~ · 06-19-2008, 11:13 PM

Rythm, beat and song

the rythm of my heart
the beat of the sacrifical drum
gives myself away
this place
this life
the scene is set
a momentous occasion
it all falls down

lub dub lub dub
can you hear me calling?

aching lungs
I am not breathing enough
this breakable body is yours
now and forever
i have no need
for these mortal shackles

I am still calling can you hear me?
lub dub lub dub

the of this small
heart is sung
just for you
waiting for you
beating for you

calling you
lub dub lub dub

a steady beat as i walk
towards to end
the drums let me know
my heart lets me know
what is coming
what is here
my final beat
it beats for you
it calls to you

I call for you

lub dub
....................will you answer?

and for your information- the actually sound that the heart makes is lub dub as the valves close in each side of the heart

music box · 06-20-2008, 12:06 AM

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful writing!

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~river~

Rythm, beat and song

the rythm of my heart
the beat of the sacrifical drum
gives myself away
this this place life
the scene is set
a momentous occasion
it all falls down

I read this part and I could visualize. Amazing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~river~

lub dub lub dub

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~river~

can you hear me calling?

I could hear this through the whole poem.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~river~

I am still calling can you hear me?

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~river~

lub dub lub dub

Almost as if you're showing that you have no control of it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~river~

I call for you

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~river~

lub dub
....................will you answer?

I totally teared up here. That's so beautiful. Amazing job. Write and post more soon, please?

Shivercide · 06-20-2008, 12:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~river~

bright flashing lights
distinguished only from
the present night
bleeding into one

the merry-go-round I’m on
leaves me lost and lonely
disorientated
I wait for my ride to slow

the noises shatter silence
an angry buzz
a monotonous tone
rising above my
conscious form
blindly numb

the merry-go-round I’m on
leaves me hurt and cold
disorientated
i wait for my ride to slow

overwhelmed by i what face
I close my eyes against the glare
I try to stop
to scream
I wait for my ride to stop
I wait for you
for you to tell me
it is all right

I can feel the utter chaos in this, and the panic of being unable to stop it. You've captured these feelings greatly.

Rhythm, Beat and Song was also very well-written. It's really unique and interesting, and I can also hear everything you've depicted.

~river~ · 06-20-2008, 12:40 AM

locked in an Ivory tower
pure, whole
untouched by emotions
almost not quite
statue still

flames burn at the edge
of my awareness
i can feel the rage
within me
it is me

Porcelian faced
perfect skin
a hollow heart
my flaws are within
the imperfection so raw

the fire burns
and all i touch
fades to ashes
scattered away
by my dismayed screaming

this nightmare will not end
my prince will not arrive
life in this tower continues
as i watch the world around falter

my flaw only weakens
my perfection only fades
the rage within continues to burn
as spidery scars form small cracks
on a once perfect surface
my soul my skin
my ivory tower
to hold me safe
to hold me away

im liking the wheat colour at the moment

steph and music box thanks again for taking the time to read.

music box · 06-20-2008, 12:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~river~

locked in an Ivory tower
pure, whole
untouched by emotions
almost not quite
statue still

flames burn at the edge
of my awareness
i can feel the rage
within me
it is me

Porcelian faced
perfect skin
a hollow heart
my flaws are within
the imperfection so raw

the fire burns
and all i touch
fades to ashes
scattered away
by my dismayed screaming

this nightmare will not end
my prince will not arrive
life in this tower continues
as i watch the world around falter

my flaw only weakens
my perfection only fades
the rage within continues to burn
as spidery scars form small cracks
on a once perfect surface
my soul my skin
my ivory tower
to hold me safe
to hold me away

im liking the wheat colour at the moment

steph and music box thanks again for taking the time to read.

I'm left amazed by this whole thing. You really know how to get your point across. I love how the tower is ivory instead of just white. You're so descriptive "as spidery scars form small cracks" I can see it happening. I just enjoyed reading it m'dear.

~river~ · 06-23-2008, 07:13 PM

I know it gets harder to breathe
I am happier this way
safe in my head
secure in my mind
life is easier to live
when watching with cynical eyes
than expressing emotions
if my heart were my guide
in rare moments
when i leave my safe confines
I am ripped apart by each beat
a sense of hope
of possibilities
torn by stronger feelings when i know
love is nothing more then a dream for me
my mind tells me so
better to believe it does not exist
than wait for something
that can only break me

but i let you get in
and now my seclusion
my haven is ruined
all i can think of is you
I try to see past your smiling face
put meanings to words you are yet to say
words that I long to hear
I cannot escape my image of you
invaded my space
I now wait for you
each breathe gets harder
my cynical eyes are growing heavy
you have invaded space
my mind no longer safe
security gone
you have taken over

music box thankyou again

VampireMina · 06-25-2008, 09:59 PM

Your writing is fantastic - great imagery!

~river~ · 06-26-2008, 01:07 AM

mina thankyou...

I knew i was broken
when you tried to fix me
pulled me apart
re-stitched my seems
placed me in a wooden box
here i will stay til
you decide to return and play
but for now
you have turned your back
and walked away

have you won?
you tore my insides
to find no flaw
that you could fix
i am not your toy
for you to discard
when my shine wears off
no longer novel

you could not fix me
i wonder who that hurt me
you turned your back
you walked away
left me stiched and scared
there are more wounds
here then you could ever heal

Sweet Tigger · 06-26-2008, 02:03 AM

As uasual Shannon, your writtings are just amazing!!
* Loves your work *

06-19-2008, 11:13 PM	#71 (permalink)
~river~ I iz st00pid lyke whut? Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: at the heart of your darkest nightmares and deepest desires Age: 20 Posts: 1,772 Points: 427.30 Bank: 107,109.63 Total Points: 107,536.92 Donate	More Ramblings from my head Rythm, beat and song the rythm of my heart the beat of the sacrifical drum gives myself away this place this life the scene is set a momentous occasion it all falls down lub dub lub dub can you hear me calling? aching lungs I am not breathing enough this breakable body is yours now and forever i have no need for these mortal shackles I am still calling can you hear me? lub dub lub dub the of this small heart is sung just for you waiting for you beating for you calling you lub dub lub dub a steady beat as i walk towards to end the drums let me know my heart lets me know what is coming what is here my final beat it beats for you it calls to you I call for you lub dub ....................will you answer? and for your information- the actually sound that the heart makes is lub dub as the valves close in each side of the heart __________________ There's no aphrodisiac like loneliness, truth, beauty and a picture of you. Words are flying out like endless rain into a paper cup They slither while they pass They slip away across the universe Pools of sorrow waves of Joy are drifting thorough my open mind Last edited by ~river~ : 06-20-2008 at 12:33 AM. Reason: urgh the typos when the lines just don't work

06-20-2008, 12:40 AM	#74 (permalink)
~river~ I iz st00pid lyke whut? Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: at the heart of your darkest nightmares and deepest desires Age: 20 Posts: 1,772 Points: 427.30 Bank: 107,109.63 Total Points: 107,536.92 Donate	ramblings #2~ IVORY TOWER locked in an Ivory tower pure, whole untouched by emotions almost not quite statue still flames burn at the edge of my awareness i can feel the rage within me it is me Porcelian faced perfect skin a hollow heart my flaws are within the imperfection so raw the fire burns and all i touch fades to ashes scattered away by my dismayed screaming this nightmare will not end my prince will not arrive life in this tower continues as i watch the world around falter my flaw only weakens my perfection only fades the rage within continues to burn as spidery scars form small cracks on a once perfect surface my soul my skin my ivory tower to hold me safe to hold me away im liking the wheat colour at the moment steph and music box thanks again for taking the time to read. __________________ There's no aphrodisiac like loneliness, truth, beauty and a picture of you. Words are flying out like endless rain into a paper cup They slither while they pass They slip away across the universe Pools of sorrow waves of Joy are drifting thorough my open mind

06-23-2008, 07:13 PM	#76 (permalink)
~river~ I iz st00pid lyke whut? Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: at the heart of your darkest nightmares and deepest desires Age: 20 Posts: 1,772 Points: 427.30 Bank: 107,109.63 Total Points: 107,536.92 Donate	Invasion I know it gets harder to breathe I am happier this way safe in my head secure in my mind life is easier to live when watching with cynical eyes than expressing emotions if my heart were my guide in rare moments when i leave my safe confines I am ripped apart by each beat a sense of hope of possibilities torn by stronger feelings when i know love is nothing more then a dream for me my mind tells me so better to believe it does not exist than wait for something that can only break me but i let you get in and now my seclusion my haven is ruined all i can think of is you I try to see past your smiling face put meanings to words you are yet to say words that I long to hear I cannot escape my image of you invaded my space I now wait for you each breathe gets harder my cynical eyes are growing heavy you have invaded space my mind no longer safe security gone you have taken over music box thankyou again __________________ There's no aphrodisiac like loneliness, truth, beauty and a picture of you. Words are flying out like endless rain into a paper cup They slither while they pass They slip away across the universe Pools of sorrow waves of Joy are drifting thorough my open mind

06-26-2008, 01:07 AM	#78 (permalink)
~river~ I iz st00pid lyke whut? Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: at the heart of your darkest nightmares and deepest desires Age: 20 Posts: 1,772 Points: 427.30 Bank: 107,109.63 Total Points: 107,536.92 Donate	discarded mina thankyou... I knew i was broken when you tried to fix me pulled me apart re-stitched my seems placed me in a wooden box here i will stay til you decide to return and play but for now you have turned your back and walked away have you won? you tore my insides to find no flaw that you could fix i am not your toy for you to discard when my shine wears off no longer novel you could not fix me i wonder who that hurt me you turned your back you walked away left me stiched and scared there are more wounds here then you could ever heal __________________ There's no aphrodisiac like loneliness, truth, beauty and a picture of you. Words are flying out like endless rain into a paper cup They slither while they pass They slip away across the universe Pools of sorrow waves of Joy are drifting thorough my open mind

06-26-2008, 02:03 AM	#79 (permalink)
Sweet Tigger Lamp and cookies Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Over The Rainbow Age: 31 Posts: 2,511 Points: 1,669.60 Bank: 86,517.18 Total Points: 88,186.78 Donate $PIE. \m/ Heh, you're awesome. :D - CrownlessAgain$	As uasual Shannon, your writtings are just amazing!! * Loves your work * __________________ Always Believe In Your Self!!!

06-25-2008, 09:59 PM	#77 (permalink)
VampireMina étampe étampe salope! Join Date: Jun 2008 Age: 18 Posts: 261 Points: 2,149.52 Bank: 512.07 Total Points: 2,661.59 Donate	Your writing is fantastic - great imagery!

06-27-2008, 04:40 AM	#80 (permalink)